First, an introduction... I am 42 years old, married for 20 years (in October) to my wonderful husband, Lance, and the proud mother of 2 children.
My daughter Courtney is 21 and is a nursing major at LSUA. She still lives at home since she is attending the local college and is scheduled to graduate in December 2010. I expect her to stay with us a little while after graduation so she can save up enough money to put down the deposits on an apartment and get furniture. Since she won't have any bills except her health insurance, she should build up a savings pretty fast since she will be a RN.
My son, Benjamin turned 18 and graduated from high school this month (on the same day - May 10th). This past Tuesday, my husband, Lance, and I had dinner alone with Ben to find out what his plans were regarding college, working, etc.. Ben said he wanted to "move out on his own and feel what it's like to be a man". Of course, this crushed this mom's heart. Why does the baby have to be the first one to leave the nest? We calmly discussed his current finances, probable finances and options, all the while praying that he would see the benefits of staying with us a little while longer and saving up his money and/or going to school. But noooo... this stubborn redhead decides that he wants to live his own life so he's moving in with a friend (picture Eddie Haskell on Leave it to Beaver - always polite to parents, wild child away from them) and they are going to live in a 1 bedroom apartment above the friend's mom's house. Ben is in such a hurry to "experience manhood" that he is living in the apartment, sleeping on the couch, while they are remodeling it.
Last night, he came home to clean up his bedroom, write his thank you notes for his graduation gifts and break my heart. After he left, I just bawled. And not a pretty bawl either. It was one of those head grabbing, snot blowing, heaving sobs that makes you curl up in a ball. My poor husband, he didn't know what to do. Then I ended up in Ben's bedroom just smelling his bedding and feeling sorry for myself.
I've been a mother for more than half my life. They don't give you a handbook when you become a mom and you have to experience each high and low as they come.
Highs: birth, first smile, word, crawling, walking, kisses, hugs, sleeping, laughing, birthdays, school, games, baptism, loves, dances, etc...
Lows: First broken heart, rejection, school, not making the team, unrequited love, puberty, fights, rebellion, and leaving home.
It's bad enough that we women have to deal with PMS and Menopause. We then get slammed with all these feelings for our children. Many of my roller-coaster moods have been because of my children. Whether it was cheering them on at soccer/cheer leading or having to be held back when someone was mean to them and my "momma bear" came out, I have always been very emotional. Now my emotional triggers are moving on with their own lives and I feel like I've been left to try to sort through the remaining pieces. The non-existent mother manual definitely didn't cover this....
