Then I realized I was just floating through life, not really sad, but not fully happy either. What was wrong with me? What happened to my bubbly personality? My positive outlook on life? My ability to find humor in any almost any situation? My patience? My drive? My passion?
Some people would say it's because I've been overwhelmed with allot of changes in my life, with both my kids moving out, implementation of an EMR - Electronic Medical Records System at work (that's a nightmare to be discussed later, and life in general. I've searched deep within myself to find out what was wrong with me and I've narrowed it down to a MAJOR issue. I've neglected my relationship with God and have allowed sin to come into my life without any fight.
Have you ever heard people say that in the south, you can find a church on every block? Well, that's almost true but it's more like every other block. Ever since I can remember, I've been in church. And I wasn't limited to just one religion. I've attended: Methodist, Baptist, Southern Baptist (yes there is a difference), Pentecostal, Church of God and Catholic. I'm pretty positive I've tried most of them but finally found that Southern Baptist is where God wanted me to be.
My husband and I joined our church almost 19 years ago. When we joined, it was pretty big, building wise, but smaller on the congregation side. I can remember someone pledging to shave their head if we got 100 people in Sunday School and now we have 2 services and over 600 in Sunday School. Lots of growth there and I Praise God for it.
I accepted Christ as my Savior in October 1992 and to my joy, found my husband by my side when I stumbled to the front to make my profession public. He also accepted Christ as his Savior that day. It was the most wonderful moment of my life. For the first time, I felt a peace I've never felt before. I felt clean, renewed, excited, happy, joyous... so many great feelings at one. I thought I could conquer the world.
Because we had 2 children, we were active teachers in the Children's Department and then for 7 years in the Youth Group. And the stories I can tell and will tell, but at another time. Not only were we teachers, we were also (at various times) in the choir, on several committees, served on the media team for 10 years, drove the college students and coached Upwards Basketball. As you can guess, we suffered from severe burnout pretty quickly. You know how it is.. you volunteer to help so much in church that you find you are too busy working for God instead of worship Him. But how could the church possibly function without you! You are an integral part of the church and things would probably fall apart if you stopped helping so you continue to help until you end up...well, let's just say you don't end up at a happy place.
You've seen things you wish you hadn't.
You've said things you wish you hadn't.
You've done things you wish you hadn't.
You've heard things you wish you hadn't.
You've been part of things you wish you hadn't.
And you wish you could remove all of these "things" from your mind. Because no matter how big or how small the "thing" is, it changes your perspective about everything. And no matter how hard you try, you can't bury these "things" because, to be truthful, you haven't dealt with them. Maybe you shrugged it off and just walked away. Maybe you tried to justify the actions. Maybe you felt you deserved whatever you did or whatever was done to you. But these "things" never went away. They just stayed with you, festering, growing and feeding on you until you find yourself where I am right.
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| ANGRY |
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| Disillusioned |
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| Frustrated |
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| Hurt |
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| Confused |
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| Forgotten |
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| ASHAMED |
So, I'm asking you to pray with me. Pray for me. Encourage me. Admonish me when needed. Keep me focused on the goal: GOD.
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