When God calls.... be ready

So, I've confessed.  I'm a sinner.  Worse, I'm an angry sinner.  I'm angry with the things I perceive as unfair or wrong going on around me.  I'm not going to use this blog as a platform to bash people or point fingers.  Nor am I going to use it to "enforce" my opinion.  Because that is just what it is.  My opinion.  Opinions are like water . They can be corrosive or they can be soothing.  And an angry opinion will only end up being corrosive. 

When you are angry, it's hard to find forgiveness in your heart.  Why?  We cling to our anger as a way to justify our actions.  And mostly, anger only "enhances" our negative opinions.  Anger and opinions don't mix well when you're struggling with your Christian walk. 

Anger is love disappointed.... How true is that statement?  When we are angry, we disappoint God.  And God is Love.  Hence, anger is love disappointed.  And I'm disappointing God right now.

I've asked Him to let me know what He wants me do do with my life.  Where He wants me to be.  Where He wants me to worship. 

 I asked God if I'm supposed to change churches.  I've been feeling disconnected from my church and I know it's mostly my fault.  Know what???  God still answers prayers... Even when I'm disappointing Him, He still hears me.   Yesterday, I heard from 2 of my friends from church and they were asking about me.  They wanted to know how I was doing.  And the funniest part is that one phone call was totally from God. 

I was driving home yesterday, singing at the top of my lungs like one can only do when they are alone in their car.  And I'm a HORRIBLE singer.  I was compared to a cat screeching at the top of it's lungs. 

I can't carry a tune and I've figured out that most of the lyrics I'm singing are wrong.  So, as you can expect, it's not a pretty thing to witness. 


So, there I am, in my car, singing as though I didn't have a care in the world.  I had just hung up my cell from talking to my husband and I KNOW I DOUBLE CHECKED MY PHONE to make sure I WAS NOT CONNECTED to him.  I had my phone resting on my thigh, facing towards my leg when I suddenly felt it vibrate and ring.  I answered the phone to find a dear friend on the other line asking me if I liked singing. 

Automatically, I assumed that she had passed me on the highway and saw my facial acrobatics.  But noooo... that would have been too easy.  I actually "butt dialed" her!  She was standing in the church parking lot listening to me sing.  LIVE and UNCUT...  It wasn't pretty...  I know what you're thinking.  So you butt dialed someone.  Happens all of the time.  But this friend isn't on my quick dial list.  She's listed like most of my friends, in the contacts section.  To call her, I have to open my contacts, find her and pick her cell #.  Lots of steps to call her.  BUT yesterday, my phone called her.  Not me.. My phone.  And during our conversation, I confessed my problems with sin and the questions I had been having.

When I got home, I was telling my husband about the call and it hit me.  I DIDN'T CALL HER!!  My phone was locked.  I made sure of it.  So what happened?  The only answer I could reach was that God called her from my phone.  God had to have made the connection because I wasn't even touching my phone.  And by calling her, I was encouraged in my fellowship at church.  I was shown that someone cared.  When I thought no one noticed I wasn't at church, someone cared.  And not just 1 someone.  2 people called me.  On the same day. Coincidence?  I don't belive so.  God answering my prayer?  Totally. 

So, in my walk back to God, I'm getting the encouragement I'm so desparate for.  He's listening to me and He's not given up on me, even when I've almost given up on myself.